Updated: Mar 12
Many believers in Jesus Christ struggle to fully trust that our Almighty Creator has a plan for their lives. Struggle and challenge are part of our lives, yet relying on God to get us through these tumultuous times appear to be a struggle in itself for many. It has been quite interesting at times to observe believers wrestle with fear and anxiety, especially since we are meant to know, trust and understand the Word of God, which tells us repeatedly not to fear because God is near. Through my own similar experiences, however, I've realized that this is because although believers know the Word of God, we don't trust the Word of God. Often we forget that God has a plan and uses our tumultuous times to draw us closer to Him. I believe that our lack of trust in the Lord is also due to the fact that it is difficult for humans in general to trust because of how we have been hurt and disappointed by fellow humans and forget that God is not human and neither does He think or behave as humans do. Thus GROWING in our faith in the Lord is part of our walk with Him and one He patiently takes us through at His own pace because He is FAITHFUL.
Early on in my conversion, 9 months into my walk with the Lord, in fact, I went through an intense period where I fell into the trap of fear and anxiety. Everything, and I mean everything, was blowing up all at once in my life and my family. I felt anger, resentment and found myself questioning if I had indeed gotten the wrong end of the stick, which I shared with my small intimate group of 15 people whom I was working very closely with. This intense season, however, turned out to be a very important time of my faith being tested resulting in it becoming the springboard the Lord used to prove His faithfulness to me and my family in incredible ways. During this period there was a new convert who greatly disapproved of my trial by fire and accused me of hefty sin. I was accused of leading people away from God and that in fact I should not be sharing any information with people because of how much pain I was in, and because, based on her assumption, I had not had a one-on-one encounter with Jesus Christ. According to her this meant I was not truly saved and neither were any of the members of my small group. She also based this on the fact that I had not publically spoken about an encounter with the Lord that she could interpret as being an atmosphere changing experience, like she'd had, that changes one in an instant. She had been walking with the Lord for 5 months at the time. After accusing me she then offered to counsel me and lead to me to a better understanding of God's Word. I was deeply hurt by her interpretation of what I was going through and rather than FIRST asking to chat with me rather than sending me an hour voice note filled with accusation and only then wanting to schedule a call with me, I could not speak to her and declined any further contact with her. I was gutted by how she'd addressed me about her feelings about what I was going through and sharing in an intimate setting with people I thought I could trust.
Nowhere in scripture are we told we are ONLY saved by an atmosphere changing experience with Jesus Christ. We are saved by GRACE through FAITH! "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—9 not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9. This lady is boasting about her "atmosphere changing experience" deeming her saved and me not. Repenting and changing our ways and having faith in Christ as we mature in our relationship with Him is our saving grace. Not an "atmosphere changing" encounter with him. Her statement is saying EXPERIENCES save us not FAITH in Jesus Christ.
She made me out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing writing a blog on her website and making a video announcing me as a false teacher leading many astray based on what I was sharing with an intimate group of 15 people and my video's were reaching about a hundred people, if that. It was initially a struggle forgiving her ignorance because she had failed to see what God was actually doing in my life as she remained focused on the fact that I was in fear and was experiencing anxiety because of what my family was going through, and harped on the fact that I was preaching false doctrine. She completely ignored the breakthrough I'd had as a result of that season, which I had also shared with my group, whom she at the time was a part of. She quoted reams of scripture pointing out how I was failing in my faith. I repented before the Lord for everything she was accusing me of so as to ensure that anything I may have misinterpreted could no longer be used against me, however, this persecution was a huge stumbling block for me and stripped me of my confidence to study and interpret scripture for a long time. This experience, for a while, took me away from doing the work God had called me to do because I was believing this woman, an over-zealous inexperienced young convert's accusations, rather than following what the Lord was showing me through His Word. Thus, I was believing the lies of the enemy, known also as the accuser, rather than believing the Word of God calling me to be courageous and continue with what He had called me to do. All through this she was adamant that the Holy Spirit was telling her to rebuke me and set me straight. She has stated on her website that unless I remove everything from my website and YouTube channel she will not remove her accusations of me and that I need to report to her that I have changed. I report to the Holy Spirit, not a self-righteous prideful human. I want to at this point say that I have made mistakes and communicated my understanding of God's Word erroneously. However, I have repented of those over zealous mistakes and continue to grow in the Word daily and through prayer.
During the same year, 2019, at the same time as my family facing many challenges, I was being stalked, and still am being harassed daily, by a woman, formerly a client/student, who had become relentlessly obsessed with me. She too accused me of not understanding the Word of God and after every YouTube video I published, she would dissect EVERY recording and compile a lengthy e-mail quoting reams of scripture pointing out how I was not interpreting it correctly. Because I was refusing to have anything to do with her, she wrote these e-mails largely to suit her own agenda, even accusing me of misunderstanding the Lord's word regarding homosexuality and that it was in fact okay in God's eyes. Because I was rejecting her sexual advances and insistence that God had told her we were soul mates and that He had made us for one another, she accused Christians of being haters and continually said that I was judging and hating on her because I wouldn't grow up and face my sexual self! Many of these hate and rectification-of-my-teaching e-mails she sent to my mail list too and also went as far as making video's which she published on YouTube, pointing out what I was misinterpreting.